Hemoglobin Hemorrhage

Let's talk about something that not everyone likes to talk about. Let's talk about menstruation. Now, don't just leave before we get to the good stuff, stick around for a while because this needs to be said a lot more than it is.

Menstruation is something that 50% of the population has to deal with, yet we sweep it under the table and discourage talking about it. Why is that? Why do we discourage something that is a natural bodily function, a function that is crucial to human existence? Why do we think that menstruating is too gross to talk about? I don't know the answer to these questions, but I do know that these are questions that we shouldn't even have to ask.

As someone who menstruates, I strongly disagree with the way the world treats periods. We tax things like pads and tampons as luxury items when having a period is not a luxury. We constantly say to women who seem slightly agitated, Is it that time of the month, as though it is a bad thing to menstruate. The list goes on and on and on. Does anyone else see the problem here?

I'm going to stop bashing the way the world treats menstruation because I think you get the overall idea. What I want to do now, is enlighten you as to what goes on during the "wonderful" time of the month where you bleed out of your vagina.

Basically, those who are cursed with the Red Dawn are shedding what the uterus has prepared for the production of a child. When the uterus is not gifted with such a child, it decides to punish the innocent owners of said uterus. 

An angry uterus results in cramping because the uterus is actually trying to kill itself. Doesn't that sound painful? It is. Excruciatingly painful. For some people, the pain is so unbearable that they cannot function as they normally would. The pain feels like something constantly kicking you in the lower back and stabbing your stomach. Because of cramping, sometimes it can be hard to eat or you feel like throwing up. With that being said, those who are faced with The Gift of Mother Nature find creative ways to deal with the pain. I once (tonight) made a bowl of oatmeal to use as a heat source to help calm the cramps...and because I was hungry. There are also numerous amounts of ways to lay down just to get comfortable, because cramping=not being able to find any sort of comfortable way to lay down.

Along with cramps, other Shark Week symptoms include (but are not limited to):

1. Craving every random food that comes into your brain, including ice cream...all the ice cream. 
2. Bursting into tears for no reason at all or bursting into tears at the sight of any cute fluffy animals. Especially tiny little piggies.
3. Turning from living life as a peaceful, happy individual to a raging demon-like creature.
4. Sleeping so much that you forget what being awake is like or not sleeping at all. There is no in between. 
5. Constantly being bloated to the point where you can't fit into your favorite pair of jeans.
6. Sneezing and feeling like you just wet your pants. Even though it is just a lot of blood quickly leaving your body and possibly staining your favorite pair of underwear.

I think I'll stop there. The list goes on for miles. Or more. Or less. It really depends on the person. Every Aunt Flo is different.

I would usually say that I don't know why I wrote this, but I do. I am tired of the world viewing periods as something that is shameful. I want to freely talk about it without it getting weird. It shouldn't. I also want people to realize that it sucks for everyone that has to deal with it, so if you don't deal with it, then make an effort to understand what half of the population has to go through for the majority of their lives. 

I hope this was informative despite being highly satirical. Everything that I have just told you is true, but satire seems to prove points (plus I find satire fun to write). 

Until next time...