Shakespeare: A Love/Hate Relationship

William Shakespeare. A name that strikes both profound love and immense hatred in people of all ages. Most people either love him or hate him, never both.

I suppose I am one of the people who both love Shakespeare and hate Shakespeare. The main reason I love Shakespeare is for the fact that he truly had a way with words. He could turn something ordinary into something beautiful with just words. He could make death tragic and poetic. He is continuously hated by students everywhere, and I love being one of the few who actually appreciate his works. The reason I hate Shakespeare, though, is that one can always tell when something was written by him. He doesn't have a voice that changes with each work. I always admire authors who can change their voices in writing. It means that they aren't limited to a set style and can express themselves in multiple ways. Either way, I find Shakespeare intriguing and fun to read.

Now, you may be wondering why all the talk of Shakespeare. Tonight, I attended the first meeting of GCSU's Shakespearean Circle. It's a club dedicated to reading plays by Shakespeare and to be quite honest it's a club filled with a diverse group of people. Not everyone is an English major and not everyone is the same. We're just a bunch of people who like Shakespeare. To be honest, I had my doubts at first. I wasn't sure about joining a club, but, after attending the meeting, I can say wholeheartedly that I will attend all of the future meetings. 

To be surrounded by people who share a common interest and who are equally as enthusiastic about something is quite liberating. I felt comfortable and that's something hard for me to feel when trying something new. I didn't feel out of place, I felt connected to something bigger (although the club itself is somewhat small, it is bigger than I). It is a feeling that I think I needed to feel (plus it gets me out of my room and doing something I enjoy). 

I suppose I want to say this to everyone who is on the fence about joining something, to everyone who is afraid of what will happen if they get involved: Do what you're afraid of. Take a chance and you might find that you actually enjoy something you never thought you would. Get involved in a club because you will have fun and make new friends. On the off chance that you don't like it, no one will force you to return. Try new things and find what you like.

I Will Survive

Surviving one's first week of college classes can be a challenge. Thankfully, I survived. I survived my English II class. I survived my difficult Psychology class. I survived my seemingly trivial Music class (but hey, at least it's music). I survived my Sociology class in which I had to talk and actively participate in class. I survived my French class, even if I know it will be a challenge later on. I survived. 

Thinking back to my years of high school, college is a vastly different experience. You cannot expect everything to be handed to you. You have to actively participate and be engaged in order to learn the material. You have to take time outside of class to study for your classes and complete assignments. All of these things and more, including doing your own laundry and finding meals for yourself, are all part of the college experience. Sure, it can be stressful, but it also gives you the option to make a name for yourself, put yourself out there, make friends, try new things, and step out of your comfort zone. 

I can honestly say that I have accomplished most of these things during my first week of college. I did my laundry today. Don't get me wrong, I already know how to do my own laundry, but college washing machines and dryers are different than the ones I'm used to. I even had to use my lofted bed as a makeshift drying rack for some of my clothes I deemed too delicate to put into the dryer in fear of shrinking them. In addition to laundry, I also have to make my own decisions regarding my meals. I have to decide what foods I want to eat at The MAX (the name for GCSU's cafeteria/food court) or if I want to stay in my dorm and eat the college staple of ramen noodles. 

As far as stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things, I walk everywhere now. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like going outside, let alone walking everywhere. I'd say that's a big step out of my comfort zone (I apologize for the pun). I've even made plans to go to the gym, and if I find that it is something that I would want to do on a regular basis, I might continue to go. Who knows what will happen? 

I suppose I have also tried somewhat of a new thing in the way I study. I've changed my habits, and I hope they pay off in my grades later on. I used to skate my way through high school with minimal organization and minimal studying. Now, I plan to stay organized and study regularly so that the material is always fresh on my mind. I even bought a planner. I never use planners, yet now I use it all the time. Everything I need is always at hand and I will never miss an assignment. 

I'd say that college has changed me in some ways. It's definitely a change for the better. If I hadn't, I'd probably always be a hot mess with little to no organization. I've even found inspirations to write, something I couldn't ever really find while at home. 

Maybe I just needed a change of scenery to see that writing is something I can't function without. I even accidentally wrote a five page paper in my English II class yesterday when it only needed to be a minimum of 500 words (which I can easily fit on one page). If that's not a good indicator of how much I love to write, I don't know what is. The longer I stay here at GCSU, the more I realize that writing is really something I want to continue to do. Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything else. Writing is where I want to be. 

To get back on track to what this post started off with, college is hard. It's never going to be easy, but anyone can survive it if they put their mind to work and actually put effort into being successful. I can live my life knowing that I survived the first week. With this knowledge, I can confidently say that I will survive the rest of college. I may struggle, no, I will struggle. But with the struggle, I will find inspiration and pursue my passion. With struggle, I will prevail. Besides, who ever said being successful was a smooth path? We must work to make our dreams a reality, otherwise our dreams are simply just dreams. 

A Walk in Thought

Sometimes you just need to get out and walk around. Even if that means alone. Alone is peaceful. Alone gives you time to think, time to explore, and time to find beauty in the smaller things in life.

 I walked around downtown Milledgeville for the second time today simply to get out. I didn't care how hot it was or if I wasn't going to go into one of the many restaurants. All I wanted was to walk. I don't know why I keep wanting to get out and walk around so much, it's so far from everything I am. Anyone who knows me knows that. For some reason I seem to want to walk around. Maybe it's to escape the prison-like walls that are my dorm room. (They're all white with little decoration. I hope to change that soon). Maybe it's to do something different, something I never thought I would do. Maybe it is just because I want to feel the freedom of walking around alone with no one else to worry about but myself. Or maybe it is a subconscious thing in my brain telling me to get up and do something to try and stay somewhat fit. For whatever the reason, I keep going on walks. Surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I like the peaceful aspect of walking alone. Sure it's always nice to walk with a companion, but being alone allows you to think away from everything. It's just you and you alone there to make decisions and find inspiration in the small things that happen during a walk.

On my walk, I passed by several people playing Pokemon Go (yes, I was playing too). I passed by people young and old. I witnessed the hours of the afternoon turn into the orange glow of the evening. I heard the leaves of the trees rustling in the occasional breeze. I heard cars driving down the street in a bustling manner. All of these observations made me think about something. They made me think about the fact that we are all like pieces of a puzzle. Each piece needs the other in order to make one big picture. Everything I witnessed and observed, even me, are all pieces of the puzzle that is Milledgeville. Sure it's a small college town and I've only been here a few days, but some puzzles are three dimensional, sometimes even four, and each part of these multi-dimensional puzzles add another layer of depth to the picture.

The first dimension of the Milledgeville puzzle: The town itself. The roads. The buildings. The businesses. The comic book store that has seen better days.

The second dimension: The leaves rustling in the slight breeze. The cars moving steadily through the street. The sky changing from day to night.

The third dimension: The people. People who have lived here all their lives. People who are young. People who are old. People playing Pokemon Go.

The fourth dimension: Me. I'm new to this puzzle. I'm finding my place. You could even go so far as to say that I am the puzzle piece that you can never quite figure out where it goes or even the extra piece.

All of these pieces rolled into one make Milledgeville what it is. At least, that's what I have observed. It's amazing when you can just separate yourself from the world and just watch everything as it goes by and make note of the little things.

Now, you might be wondering why I described myself as the extra piece. I say that because I stand out. I walk alone when others walk in crowds. I look at the world differently than others. I have different interests. Something about me finds entertainment in the looks I get. I don't know what goes on in people's heads when they think of me, and quite frankly, I don't care. Let people think what they want. I am me and nothing will ever change that. I am me and I like me the way I am. I like my quirks and the things that make me unique.

With that, I leave you with the knowledge that I will probably go on many walks while I attend GCSU. Walks where I can just think and create ideas. Walks where I can find myself and my place in the bigger puzzle.

Venturing Into College Life

As I begin my journey into my freshman year of college, I find myself faced with choices. Do I gorge myself on junk food or try and eat food that won't make me gain the dreaded "Freshman 15?' Do I stay in my dorm guarded from the outside world or do I venture out to new places and see what's out there for me in Milledgeville? Do I head to the gym? (I know, that's a weird thought coming from me). Do I put myself out there and try to shed the shy girl or do I hide behind my insecurities? All of these choices to make and each decision impacts another part of my day. I heard that college is about finding yourself. That it's about putting yourself out there to find your place in the world. That it's one of the greatest times in your life. I think it's about deciding on who you want to be. The part of you that you want the world to see. The part of you that you want to show off. The real, honest you.

My first day at GCSU scared the hell out of me. I was panicking, and when I panic I start to get aggressive. Now with the second day almost over, I find myself not panicking at all. I find myself opening up. I find myself growing as a person. Being away from all that I know, has already made me open up more. I'm no longer the timid girl I was before I got here. When I started high school, it took me years to open up and find myself. Now that I've started college, I opened up on the second day. It didn't take years this time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still very wary of new things, but at least I'm opening up a bit more and not being afraid to stand out. 

Being unique is something I cherish. Although sometimes I can be afraid to stand out because of my massive insecurity issues, I still love to be a unique weirdo. I like to have different interests and to find friends who aren't necessarily the "cool kids." I like to show off to the world that the misunderstood, the timid, and the different are people too. To show that we are just as "cool" as the rest of the world. 

While I spend my college life here at GCSU, I hope to accomplish great things as well as put myself out there. I hope to become unafraid to be unique. I hope to find myself in the world that is life away from home. I hope to become me.

A Thing Called Marching Band

As many marching bands have started their band camps recently, I started thinking to myself. This is the first year in five years that I will not be headed off to band camp. No more sweat, knee brace tan lines, and sunburns. No more goofing off with my best friends all while accomplishing great things. No more pouring heart and soul into the music and marching.

I began my marching band journey in South Carolina with the Pickens High School Marching Band. I was given the opportunity to march as an eighth grader in a high school band. My closest friends were given the same opportunity as I was and we grew closer all while making many more friends. Right after my first season of marching band came to a close, my family moved to Georgia. After we moved I thought I would never want to continue marching band because I would miss my friends too much. One good friend that I made after moving convinced me otherwise and I ended up continuing for all of high school at Walnut Grove. I made many friends and these are people who I will love for life.

During both my junior and senior years of high school, I took on leadership positions in the band. I was a section leader and it really opened me up to be both a stronger musician and a better person. It takes a lot of work to be a leader, but I was glad to have had the opportunity to lead and help others on their marching band journeys.

My junior year was probably my favorite for marching. In my opinion, the saxophone section was at its strongest that year and I am glad I could be a part of it. Sure it was only three of us, but we are all great friends and we created a great sound together. That year I will remember always.

Junior Year: Alex(L), Ryan(R), and I.

Now, I am headed off to college soon and will not be marching in a marching band. I never realized how much of an impact it made on my life, but I am glad to have gotten the chance to participate. All of my friends who graduated alongside me can probably agree. I will miss all of them dearly as we go our separate ways to pursue our varying dreams.

Senior Year: We seniors (Alex, Angela, Josh, Harley, Tori, Miranda & I) being our goofy selves.  

Senior Year: Angela(L), Harley(R), and I.

Marching band has been a large part of my life for five years. I found myself in marching band and to be quite honest, I feel like a part of me has been ripped away. My life will never be the same again. I mean that in the sense that I know more about myself than I did before I started marching band. I learned how to open myself up to people and made great friends. I will forever miss marching band and the friendships I have made, but I will forever be a Marching Warrior.

I wish all of my friends who are still marching the best of luck at their future competitions and performances. To those of you seniors, enjoy senior year because it will end faster than you realize. Make the most of it, and may you all have a great season.

In the Wake of Tragedy

As we all know, what happened in Orlando was a tragedy. But, in the wake of tragedy, we as a human race always try to lay blame on something. May it be acts of terrorism, acts of religious beliefs, or acts of hatred. Has anyone ever stopped to think "Maybe it's just an act of violence?" Terrorism is violence. Acting against someone else and using your religion to justify it is violence. Hatred is violence in its most simplest form.

In addition to the three prominent forms of violence we see in today's society, we see the use of guns to implement this violence. The use of guns creates an even bigger and more widespread issue. Do we continue to allow them into the public's possession? Or do we keep them strictly military? I'll admit, my opinion on the matter is somewhere in between the two. Should we allow guns into the public? Yes, but not military grade weapons. There are plenty of guns that aren't military grade that serve as equally well. On keeping them strictly military, I believe that military grade weapons should remain in the military. That is the entire premise of the guns, the fact that they are military grade. The public has no need for something like that.

Now, you're probably wondering what my point to all this is. I want to shed light on the fact that what happened in Orlando was simply an act of violence. Yes, it was an attack on an LGBT+ club. But does it necessarily mean that such a tragedy could strictly happen to people in the LGBT+ community? No. What happened in Orlando could have happened to anyone. Don't get me wrong, I still strongly support loving whomever we choose to love regardless of sexuality. But I wanted to emphasize the fact that an act of violence does not only go out towards one group of people. As human beings, we all have a seed of violence of some form inside us. We just have push past that and not let the violence and hatred consume us.

This is my message to all. Do not hate a group of people based on your beliefs. Do not let hatred consume you and allow violence to take over. Do not create petty arguments based on one opinion versus another. We are all different. We all have different ideas. Can we not just live life the way it is and not argue over who has the correct idea. The fact is, it's only an idea. Ideas don't become anything unless we make it happen. If it's an idea stemmed from violence, what happened in Orlando is likely to happen again. If it's an idea stemmed from love and compassion, then what happened in Orlando should never happen again. The point is, if we let our ideas become reality, then we will always be at war. Are we going to let our friends become enemies based solely on the fact that each of us have different ideas? Because we shouldn't.

I shall end my rant here. I am deeply saddened by what happened in Orlando and my heart goes out to the families of those affected as well as all of the members of the LGBT+ community. Love is love, and may this tragedy never happen again.

A Final Farewell

Driving in the rain to bury a pet. You think to yourself that it's all just a bad dream that you can't wake up from. A death and a rain shower, something rather poetic. No matter how hard you try, you just can't shake the feeling of emptiness. You close your eyes. You shut your feelings away inside you. You laugh and crack jokes to mask the pain. Nothing will ever be the same.

Losing a pet is something no one ever thinks about. No one ever has to think about it until the end is near. Once that fateful day arrives, it doesn't feel real. It feels like part of you has been ripped away. You've lost one of your best friends for life.

Yesterday, my family and I had to say goodbye to our dog, Buddy. We had him for 16 years, which is quite a feat for a small animal. No one could have prepared us for the sadness that affected us all. We all took it differently, and I couldn't even bring myself to tears about it. I locked everything inside my head where only my thoughts could listen. I steered clear of anyone wishing "I'm sorry" or "RIP" or "prayers." I didn't want to hear it. Instead, I smiled and laughed and carried on with life. It made me appear like I couldn't care less about what happened. But in reality, I didn't know what to do with my feelings. Everyone deals with loss differently, but this is me dealing with it.

This is my final farewell to you Buddy. May you rest easy and suffer no more. Thank you for being one of the very best friends I could ever have. Thank you for always knowing when I was feeling down or hurting. Thank you for falling asleep whenever I was home alone leaving me talking to myself. I shall miss you dearly my friend, but I know you are safe and no longer in pain where you are now.