Being Productive

It's common knowledge that being productive is a challenge. I often find myself stuck in a rut, unable to be fully productive. I might get part of something done, but I'll get distracted trying to complete it. Being productive is hard. For me, I end up sleeping or watching something on Netflix when I should be doing homework or studying. When I am at school, I end up with days where I am really productive and days where I can't get off my lazy butt for the life of me. 

Anyways, I'm on spring break, and I'm surprisingly being productive. Maybe I needed a change of scenery in order to maximize my productivity. I'm not really sure why I am working so diligently on my homework. Maybe it's because it's mainly writing that I have to do. Having to write for a class is different than writing for fun, but it's writing and it interests me. Sure, I am doing an assignment, but it allows me to be creative and write what I want to. It also helps me find things to write about for fun, which is really cool.

Whether it be homework or writing for fun, I've actually been really productive these past few days. I have no idea what sparked me to be productive as opposed to just lounging around all day. I also have no idea where I am going with this post. Maybe I just wanted to share a few thoughts on productivity and how I have actually managed to be more productive than I have been in several months. I assume it is because school can be draining. There are assignments constantly being thrown at you (sometimes it feels like getting hit in the face with a brick and then run over by a bus), and it can be hard to find a rhythm to getting all of the work done without pulling an all-nighter. I almost never find the time to finish it all without the stress that comes with the assignments, so it surprised me at how productive I've been this week. Maybe having a whole week that allows me to do things at my own pace without rushing to get something done is helping my productivity. I don't really know, but I am pleasantly surprised. 

For those who find yourselves stuck in an unproductive hole, know that you can get out of it. Perhaps try to avoid the things that distract you from doing your work, you might find that it helps. I've been trying to avoid sitting on the couch and watching Netflix, and I'd say it helped me out quite a bit. Good luck with being productive and thanks for reading.

Criticism and Change

It is currently spring break for me, so I have the week off from school. What most people do on spring break is to go out and have fun, usually at the beach. I, on the other hand, work on homework. One assignment in particular is my final portfolio for my creative writing class. The assignment is to provide a creative response to one of the selected pieces (I chose Dante's Inferno), some comments made from our workshops throughout the semester, and 25-30 pages of revised original work. As I've spent the past two days working on combining what I want to include in my 25-30 pages, I realized I've written a lot more poetry than I thought. I have also realized that my fiction writing is rather terrible. I know it might be better than what I think of it, but it still needs a massive amount of work.

Since the 25-30 pages are supposed to be revised, I have been going back and changing things that really need to be changed in my poems. However, whenever I get to a poem that has been workshopped or one that has had constructive comments made, I find myself stuck. One poem I took the constructive criticism and changed the poem, while still keeping its original message. The other poem, I cannot bring myself to change. I did make changes to the punctuation because the comments made about it made grammatical sense, but I couldn't change the actual words written on the page. I don't really know why I can't alter the poem, and it's not that I disagree with the criticism of the poem. I do agree with the criticism. Things need to be changed in the poem in order for the details within it to provide clarity to the reader.

Before this blog post turns into an essay, I think I'll get right to the point. I know that when you workshop a piece, you can choose to take the criticism about your work and revise your piece with it or you can leave it as is. Whenever we receive criticism we usually change in order to appease those making the comments. However, it is okay to go against it and leave something alone. With that being said, I believe that I will leave my poem as is because I simply cannot do otherwise. For whatever reason I can't change the poem, whether it be because I don't want to lose what the poem already has or because of what the poem is about, I know that it is okay. I suppose the "life lesson" I'm trying to point out is that it is okay to not change. Even if we're criticized into thinking that something could be better, we can still see the strength in what is already there. I believe that this doesn't just apply to writing. Sure, writing is about deciding whether or not to utilize criticism, everyday people can make the same decision. We can decide to change because someone says something about us that we don't like, or we can stand out and be different. I guess it's all about perspective.

Anyways, I didn't intend for this post to become deep or have any meaning behind it, but hey, the words just came out of my brain. I hope my thoughts on this help anyone who feels like criticism can be too much sometimes. Once again, thank you for reading.

A New Interest

I know it has been a while since I last wrote a post for this blog, but I haven't had much that I really wanted to write about or that I felt was worthy enough to share. For the past few days, I have wanted to write but nothing really came out of my brain and into words. I just sat at my computer staring blankly trying to come up with something to satisfy my desire to write, but nothing came to my brain. Today I was working on a script for my creative writing class, and I felt like writing a blog post too. It won't be a long one, just a short update, but here it is.

Currently, in my intro to creative writing class, we are learning how to do screenplays. Screenplays are not a type of writing that I have had any previous experience with, and I'll admit, I found it rather challenging to get the hang of. However, with some scriptwriting software (celtx) I found online and some patience (I know, I can have very little of that), I started to figure out more of what I was doing. Currently, I've only written two scenes of a script for one assignment, but the more I write for it, the more I like writing scripts. I suppose it is a bit early to decide that, but I think it is really cool how specific you can get when writing a script. Everything has to be concise and to the point, which I both enjoy and find fascinating.

In a way, despite finding it difficult to get the hang of, I think I prefer writing scripts over fiction pieces. Although I don't have much experience writing either, I can say that with time I think I'll get better at both. I have that to look forward to, but poetry will always be my favorite genre to write.

I might just play around with the scriptwriting software and write scripts for fun. Maybe I'll do that in my spare time rather than watch Netflix or nap (but we all know how I like my naps). Maybe I'll work on a script whenever I don't feel like watching Netflix. Who knows?

Anyways, that's it for this post. There's not much else I really want to say at the moment. I know this post is a short one, but thank you for reading.

Fear & Train Tracks

You stand overlooking the train tracks. A bridge sits before you with shallow water flowing far beneath. Before the fear can take hold of you, you take your first step across the tracks. There is no rail to grab onto if your balance is lost. Just you, the tracks beneath your feet, and the wind billowing past you threatening to push you over the edge.

Fear enters your mind as you take your first few steps. With the fear comes an orange haze blocking your vision. If you look ahead, you cannot see where you step and risk falling. If you look down, you see how far down the ground really is and you grow dizzy. Your head spins. No matter where you look, the orange haze continues to fog your mind and the fear grows ever on. One foot in front of the other, choosing to look down at where you place your feet, you trek onward. 

Halfway across the bridge, you realize that it is not as bad as it was in the beginning. The orange haze of fear starts to lose its grasp on your mind. You begin to see other colors. The blue of the sky. The specks of green in the trees. The colorful graffiti that paints the tracks. Crossing the distance up in the air, you take back control of the fear. Although your fear continues to grow, you are able to keep it at bay as you see the colorful world around you at the heights of your adventure. 

As you approach the end of the bridge, back to solid land, you begin to see more color than you could see before. You see rainbows where once lay only an orange haze. The fear is kept locked away as you reach the end. You place your feet on solid ground and look back at what you have just accomplished. You, with your intense fear of heights, crossed over the train tracks with nothing below you. You think back on what could have happened if you were to fall. Those dark thoughts seem like nothing as you stare on at the colors that surround you. You see every color as the original fear slips away into nothing.

Yesterday I did what I never thought I would do. I walked across a bridge with nothing but train tracks. (See the picture below)

I have a fear of heights so it was borderline traumatizing for me to do. It was spur of the moment and it was quite a long bridge (or at least I thought it was with my fear making it scarier than it actually was) with nothing but a long drop beneath it. I suppose fear is something that is a bit trivial. If you let it control you, you never really get to experience anything. But, if you face it, you can do the unthinkable. Sure it is terrifying to do something you are afraid of, but once you do it you have both experienced something new and faced your fears. However, facing your fears does not necessarily mean that you overcome them. I faced my fear of heights and did what I will never do again. I am still afraid of heights, and I don't think that it is something I will ever get rid of. At least I can say that I did what I did. It was an experience, and I'm glad I did something new for me. 

I Am Alive: An Update

Yes, I am still alive. It has been quite a while since I have written a blog post and a whim of inspiration (if you can even call it inspiration, I really just felt like writing) swept over me. So, here I am, back at it again.

I suppose I should begin with an apology to all of my dear readers (even if my readers only consists of my amazing boyfriend and my wonderful family, my readers are dear to me). I am sorry that it has taken me months to write another post. I made a statement with one of my previous posts that I would try to write as often as I could, and sadly it has not been often enough. It has been months, and for that, I am sorry.

Now, this post is not going to be dedicated solely to apologies. I feel as though I need to update on my college experience. After all, it has been a whole semester since I have written anything.

My first semester of college was a roller-coaster. I was writing multiple papers weekly. I was constantly working on assignments with little hope of a break between them. At times I thought that I would just give up because the courses I was taking were difficult. In the end, I let my courses get in the way of my writing. I only had one English class, and it never gave me the chance to write what I want to write. With that being said, I allowed my classes to push my writing aside just to keep up with the bustling life of a college student. Although that happened, I survived my first semester of college with 1 A and 5 B's. These may not have been the grades I wanted, but I am pleased with the outcome.

Now I am in my second semester of my freshman year of college. I get to start in classes for my major, which include Intro to Creative Writing. My creative writing class is easily my favorite class at the moment. Already, I have gotten to write some more poetry and share it with my fellow creative writing students. There may only be 15 of us, but we are all so similar and different at the same time. The atmosphere of the class is one that I want to be in. I have always been nervous to share my writing with anyone, but in that class I am freed from those nerves.

Throughout this coming semester, I hope to write more often than I did last semester. Having courses that allow me to open up my creativity with writing, I should like to think that this hope shall be fulfilled. In addition to writing more, I have another goal in mind. I shall strive to have even higher grades than the previous semester.

Thank you all for reading my simple update on things. I shall write again soon.

Shakespeare: A Love/Hate Relationship

William Shakespeare. A name that strikes both profound love and immense hatred in people of all ages. Most people either love him or hate him, never both.

I suppose I am one of the people who both love Shakespeare and hate Shakespeare. The main reason I love Shakespeare is for the fact that he truly had a way with words. He could turn something ordinary into something beautiful with just words. He could make death tragic and poetic. He is continuously hated by students everywhere, and I love being one of the few who actually appreciate his works. The reason I hate Shakespeare, though, is that one can always tell when something was written by him. He doesn't have a voice that changes with each work. I always admire authors who can change their voices in writing. It means that they aren't limited to a set style and can express themselves in multiple ways. Either way, I find Shakespeare intriguing and fun to read.

Now, you may be wondering why all the talk of Shakespeare. Tonight, I attended the first meeting of GCSU's Shakespearean Circle. It's a club dedicated to reading plays by Shakespeare and to be quite honest it's a club filled with a diverse group of people. Not everyone is an English major and not everyone is the same. We're just a bunch of people who like Shakespeare. To be honest, I had my doubts at first. I wasn't sure about joining a club, but, after attending the meeting, I can say wholeheartedly that I will attend all of the future meetings. 

To be surrounded by people who share a common interest and who are equally as enthusiastic about something is quite liberating. I felt comfortable and that's something hard for me to feel when trying something new. I didn't feel out of place, I felt connected to something bigger (although the club itself is somewhat small, it is bigger than I). It is a feeling that I think I needed to feel (plus it gets me out of my room and doing something I enjoy). 

I suppose I want to say this to everyone who is on the fence about joining something, to everyone who is afraid of what will happen if they get involved: Do what you're afraid of. Take a chance and you might find that you actually enjoy something you never thought you would. Get involved in a club because you will have fun and make new friends. On the off chance that you don't like it, no one will force you to return. Try new things and find what you like.

I Will Survive

Surviving one's first week of college classes can be a challenge. Thankfully, I survived. I survived my English II class. I survived my difficult Psychology class. I survived my seemingly trivial Music class (but hey, at least it's music). I survived my Sociology class in which I had to talk and actively participate in class. I survived my French class, even if I know it will be a challenge later on. I survived. 

Thinking back to my years of high school, college is a vastly different experience. You cannot expect everything to be handed to you. You have to actively participate and be engaged in order to learn the material. You have to take time outside of class to study for your classes and complete assignments. All of these things and more, including doing your own laundry and finding meals for yourself, are all part of the college experience. Sure, it can be stressful, but it also gives you the option to make a name for yourself, put yourself out there, make friends, try new things, and step out of your comfort zone. 

I can honestly say that I have accomplished most of these things during my first week of college. I did my laundry today. Don't get me wrong, I already know how to do my own laundry, but college washing machines and dryers are different than the ones I'm used to. I even had to use my lofted bed as a makeshift drying rack for some of my clothes I deemed too delicate to put into the dryer in fear of shrinking them. In addition to laundry, I also have to make my own decisions regarding my meals. I have to decide what foods I want to eat at The MAX (the name for GCSU's cafeteria/food court) or if I want to stay in my dorm and eat the college staple of ramen noodles. 

As far as stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things, I walk everywhere now. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like going outside, let alone walking everywhere. I'd say that's a big step out of my comfort zone (I apologize for the pun). I've even made plans to go to the gym, and if I find that it is something that I would want to do on a regular basis, I might continue to go. Who knows what will happen? 

I suppose I have also tried somewhat of a new thing in the way I study. I've changed my habits, and I hope they pay off in my grades later on. I used to skate my way through high school with minimal organization and minimal studying. Now, I plan to stay organized and study regularly so that the material is always fresh on my mind. I even bought a planner. I never use planners, yet now I use it all the time. Everything I need is always at hand and I will never miss an assignment. 

I'd say that college has changed me in some ways. It's definitely a change for the better. If I hadn't, I'd probably always be a hot mess with little to no organization. I've even found inspirations to write, something I couldn't ever really find while at home. 

Maybe I just needed a change of scenery to see that writing is something I can't function without. I even accidentally wrote a five page paper in my English II class yesterday when it only needed to be a minimum of 500 words (which I can easily fit on one page). If that's not a good indicator of how much I love to write, I don't know what is. The longer I stay here at GCSU, the more I realize that writing is really something I want to continue to do. Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything else. Writing is where I want to be. 

To get back on track to what this post started off with, college is hard. It's never going to be easy, but anyone can survive it if they put their mind to work and actually put effort into being successful. I can live my life knowing that I survived the first week. With this knowledge, I can confidently say that I will survive the rest of college. I may struggle, no, I will struggle. But with the struggle, I will find inspiration and pursue my passion. With struggle, I will prevail. Besides, who ever said being successful was a smooth path? We must work to make our dreams a reality, otherwise our dreams are simply just dreams.