A New Interest

I know it has been a while since I last wrote a post for this blog, but I haven't had much that I really wanted to write about or that I felt was worthy enough to share. For the past few days, I have wanted to write but nothing really came out of my brain and into words. I just sat at my computer staring blankly trying to come up with something to satisfy my desire to write, but nothing came to my brain. Today I was working on a script for my creative writing class, and I felt like writing a blog post too. It won't be a long one, just a short update, but here it is.

Currently, in my intro to creative writing class, we are learning how to do screenplays. Screenplays are not a type of writing that I have had any previous experience with, and I'll admit, I found it rather challenging to get the hang of. However, with some scriptwriting software (celtx) I found online and some patience (I know, I can have very little of that), I started to figure out more of what I was doing. Currently, I've only written two scenes of a script for one assignment, but the more I write for it, the more I like writing scripts. I suppose it is a bit early to decide that, but I think it is really cool how specific you can get when writing a script. Everything has to be concise and to the point, which I both enjoy and find fascinating.

In a way, despite finding it difficult to get the hang of, I think I prefer writing scripts over fiction pieces. Although I don't have much experience writing either, I can say that with time I think I'll get better at both. I have that to look forward to, but poetry will always be my favorite genre to write.

I might just play around with the scriptwriting software and write scripts for fun. Maybe I'll do that in my spare time rather than watch Netflix or nap (but we all know how I like my naps). Maybe I'll work on a script whenever I don't feel like watching Netflix. Who knows?

Anyways, that's it for this post. There's not much else I really want to say at the moment. I know this post is a short one, but thank you for reading.

Fear & Train Tracks

You stand overlooking the train tracks. A bridge sits before you with shallow water flowing far beneath. Before the fear can take hold of you, you take your first step across the tracks. There is no rail to grab onto if your balance is lost. Just you, the tracks beneath your feet, and the wind billowing past you threatening to push you over the edge.

Fear enters your mind as you take your first few steps. With the fear comes an orange haze blocking your vision. If you look ahead, you cannot see where you step and risk falling. If you look down, you see how far down the ground really is and you grow dizzy. Your head spins. No matter where you look, the orange haze continues to fog your mind and the fear grows ever on. One foot in front of the other, choosing to look down at where you place your feet, you trek onward. 

Halfway across the bridge, you realize that it is not as bad as it was in the beginning. The orange haze of fear starts to lose its grasp on your mind. You begin to see other colors. The blue of the sky. The specks of green in the trees. The colorful graffiti that paints the tracks. Crossing the distance up in the air, you take back control of the fear. Although your fear continues to grow, you are able to keep it at bay as you see the colorful world around you at the heights of your adventure. 

As you approach the end of the bridge, back to solid land, you begin to see more color than you could see before. You see rainbows where once lay only an orange haze. The fear is kept locked away as you reach the end. You place your feet on solid ground and look back at what you have just accomplished. You, with your intense fear of heights, crossed over the train tracks with nothing below you. You think back on what could have happened if you were to fall. Those dark thoughts seem like nothing as you stare on at the colors that surround you. You see every color as the original fear slips away into nothing.

Yesterday I did what I never thought I would do. I walked across a bridge with nothing but train tracks. (See the picture below)

I have a fear of heights so it was borderline traumatizing for me to do. It was spur of the moment and it was quite a long bridge (or at least I thought it was with my fear making it scarier than it actually was) with nothing but a long drop beneath it. I suppose fear is something that is a bit trivial. If you let it control you, you never really get to experience anything. But, if you face it, you can do the unthinkable. Sure it is terrifying to do something you are afraid of, but once you do it you have both experienced something new and faced your fears. However, facing your fears does not necessarily mean that you overcome them. I faced my fear of heights and did what I will never do again. I am still afraid of heights, and I don't think that it is something I will ever get rid of. At least I can say that I did what I did. It was an experience, and I'm glad I did something new for me. 

I Am Alive: An Update

Yes, I am still alive. It has been quite a while since I have written a blog post and a whim of inspiration (if you can even call it inspiration, I really just felt like writing) swept over me. So, here I am, back at it again.

I suppose I should begin with an apology to all of my dear readers (even if my readers only consists of my amazing boyfriend and my wonderful family, my readers are dear to me). I am sorry that it has taken me months to write another post. I made a statement with one of my previous posts that I would try to write as often as I could, and sadly it has not been often enough. It has been months, and for that, I am sorry.

Now, this post is not going to be dedicated solely to apologies. I feel as though I need to update on my college experience. After all, it has been a whole semester since I have written anything.

My first semester of college was a roller-coaster. I was writing multiple papers weekly. I was constantly working on assignments with little hope of a break between them. At times I thought that I would just give up because the courses I was taking were difficult. In the end, I let my courses get in the way of my writing. I only had one English class, and it never gave me the chance to write what I want to write. With that being said, I allowed my classes to push my writing aside just to keep up with the bustling life of a college student. Although that happened, I survived my first semester of college with 1 A and 5 B's. These may not have been the grades I wanted, but I am pleased with the outcome.

Now I am in my second semester of my freshman year of college. I get to start in classes for my major, which include Intro to Creative Writing. My creative writing class is easily my favorite class at the moment. Already, I have gotten to write some more poetry and share it with my fellow creative writing students. There may only be 15 of us, but we are all so similar and different at the same time. The atmosphere of the class is one that I want to be in. I have always been nervous to share my writing with anyone, but in that class I am freed from those nerves.

Throughout this coming semester, I hope to write more often than I did last semester. Having courses that allow me to open up my creativity with writing, I should like to think that this hope shall be fulfilled. In addition to writing more, I have another goal in mind. I shall strive to have even higher grades than the previous semester.

Thank you all for reading my simple update on things. I shall write again soon.

Shakespeare: A Love/Hate Relationship

William Shakespeare. A name that strikes both profound love and immense hatred in people of all ages. Most people either love him or hate him, never both.

I suppose I am one of the people who both love Shakespeare and hate Shakespeare. The main reason I love Shakespeare is for the fact that he truly had a way with words. He could turn something ordinary into something beautiful with just words. He could make death tragic and poetic. He is continuously hated by students everywhere, and I love being one of the few who actually appreciate his works. The reason I hate Shakespeare, though, is that one can always tell when something was written by him. He doesn't have a voice that changes with each work. I always admire authors who can change their voices in writing. It means that they aren't limited to a set style and can express themselves in multiple ways. Either way, I find Shakespeare intriguing and fun to read.

Now, you may be wondering why all the talk of Shakespeare. Tonight, I attended the first meeting of GCSU's Shakespearean Circle. It's a club dedicated to reading plays by Shakespeare and to be quite honest it's a club filled with a diverse group of people. Not everyone is an English major and not everyone is the same. We're just a bunch of people who like Shakespeare. To be honest, I had my doubts at first. I wasn't sure about joining a club, but, after attending the meeting, I can say wholeheartedly that I will attend all of the future meetings. 

To be surrounded by people who share a common interest and who are equally as enthusiastic about something is quite liberating. I felt comfortable and that's something hard for me to feel when trying something new. I didn't feel out of place, I felt connected to something bigger (although the club itself is somewhat small, it is bigger than I). It is a feeling that I think I needed to feel (plus it gets me out of my room and doing something I enjoy). 

I suppose I want to say this to everyone who is on the fence about joining something, to everyone who is afraid of what will happen if they get involved: Do what you're afraid of. Take a chance and you might find that you actually enjoy something you never thought you would. Get involved in a club because you will have fun and make new friends. On the off chance that you don't like it, no one will force you to return. Try new things and find what you like.

I Will Survive

Surviving one's first week of college classes can be a challenge. Thankfully, I survived. I survived my English II class. I survived my difficult Psychology class. I survived my seemingly trivial Music class (but hey, at least it's music). I survived my Sociology class in which I had to talk and actively participate in class. I survived my French class, even if I know it will be a challenge later on. I survived. 

Thinking back to my years of high school, college is a vastly different experience. You cannot expect everything to be handed to you. You have to actively participate and be engaged in order to learn the material. You have to take time outside of class to study for your classes and complete assignments. All of these things and more, including doing your own laundry and finding meals for yourself, are all part of the college experience. Sure, it can be stressful, but it also gives you the option to make a name for yourself, put yourself out there, make friends, try new things, and step out of your comfort zone. 

I can honestly say that I have accomplished most of these things during my first week of college. I did my laundry today. Don't get me wrong, I already know how to do my own laundry, but college washing machines and dryers are different than the ones I'm used to. I even had to use my lofted bed as a makeshift drying rack for some of my clothes I deemed too delicate to put into the dryer in fear of shrinking them. In addition to laundry, I also have to make my own decisions regarding my meals. I have to decide what foods I want to eat at The MAX (the name for GCSU's cafeteria/food court) or if I want to stay in my dorm and eat the college staple of ramen noodles. 

As far as stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new things, I walk everywhere now. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like going outside, let alone walking everywhere. I'd say that's a big step out of my comfort zone (I apologize for the pun). I've even made plans to go to the gym, and if I find that it is something that I would want to do on a regular basis, I might continue to go. Who knows what will happen? 

I suppose I have also tried somewhat of a new thing in the way I study. I've changed my habits, and I hope they pay off in my grades later on. I used to skate my way through high school with minimal organization and minimal studying. Now, I plan to stay organized and study regularly so that the material is always fresh on my mind. I even bought a planner. I never use planners, yet now I use it all the time. Everything I need is always at hand and I will never miss an assignment. 

I'd say that college has changed me in some ways. It's definitely a change for the better. If I hadn't, I'd probably always be a hot mess with little to no organization. I've even found inspirations to write, something I couldn't ever really find while at home. 

Maybe I just needed a change of scenery to see that writing is something I can't function without. I even accidentally wrote a five page paper in my English II class yesterday when it only needed to be a minimum of 500 words (which I can easily fit on one page). If that's not a good indicator of how much I love to write, I don't know what is. The longer I stay here at GCSU, the more I realize that writing is really something I want to continue to do. Honestly, I can't see myself doing anything else. Writing is where I want to be. 

To get back on track to what this post started off with, college is hard. It's never going to be easy, but anyone can survive it if they put their mind to work and actually put effort into being successful. I can live my life knowing that I survived the first week. With this knowledge, I can confidently say that I will survive the rest of college. I may struggle, no, I will struggle. But with the struggle, I will find inspiration and pursue my passion. With struggle, I will prevail. Besides, who ever said being successful was a smooth path? We must work to make our dreams a reality, otherwise our dreams are simply just dreams. 

A Walk in Thought

Sometimes you just need to get out and walk around. Even if that means alone. Alone is peaceful. Alone gives you time to think, time to explore, and time to find beauty in the smaller things in life.

 I walked around downtown Milledgeville for the second time today simply to get out. I didn't care how hot it was or if I wasn't going to go into one of the many restaurants. All I wanted was to walk. I don't know why I keep wanting to get out and walk around so much, it's so far from everything I am. Anyone who knows me knows that. For some reason I seem to want to walk around. Maybe it's to escape the prison-like walls that are my dorm room. (They're all white with little decoration. I hope to change that soon). Maybe it's to do something different, something I never thought I would do. Maybe it is just because I want to feel the freedom of walking around alone with no one else to worry about but myself. Or maybe it is a subconscious thing in my brain telling me to get up and do something to try and stay somewhat fit. For whatever the reason, I keep going on walks. Surprisingly, I'm okay with that. I like the peaceful aspect of walking alone. Sure it's always nice to walk with a companion, but being alone allows you to think away from everything. It's just you and you alone there to make decisions and find inspiration in the small things that happen during a walk.

On my walk, I passed by several people playing Pokemon Go (yes, I was playing too). I passed by people young and old. I witnessed the hours of the afternoon turn into the orange glow of the evening. I heard the leaves of the trees rustling in the occasional breeze. I heard cars driving down the street in a bustling manner. All of these observations made me think about something. They made me think about the fact that we are all like pieces of a puzzle. Each piece needs the other in order to make one big picture. Everything I witnessed and observed, even me, are all pieces of the puzzle that is Milledgeville. Sure it's a small college town and I've only been here a few days, but some puzzles are three dimensional, sometimes even four, and each part of these multi-dimensional puzzles add another layer of depth to the picture.

The first dimension of the Milledgeville puzzle: The town itself. The roads. The buildings. The businesses. The comic book store that has seen better days.

The second dimension: The leaves rustling in the slight breeze. The cars moving steadily through the street. The sky changing from day to night.

The third dimension: The people. People who have lived here all their lives. People who are young. People who are old. People playing Pokemon Go.

The fourth dimension: Me. I'm new to this puzzle. I'm finding my place. You could even go so far as to say that I am the puzzle piece that you can never quite figure out where it goes or even the extra piece.

All of these pieces rolled into one make Milledgeville what it is. At least, that's what I have observed. It's amazing when you can just separate yourself from the world and just watch everything as it goes by and make note of the little things.

Now, you might be wondering why I described myself as the extra piece. I say that because I stand out. I walk alone when others walk in crowds. I look at the world differently than others. I have different interests. Something about me finds entertainment in the looks I get. I don't know what goes on in people's heads when they think of me, and quite frankly, I don't care. Let people think what they want. I am me and nothing will ever change that. I am me and I like me the way I am. I like my quirks and the things that make me unique.

With that, I leave you with the knowledge that I will probably go on many walks while I attend GCSU. Walks where I can just think and create ideas. Walks where I can find myself and my place in the bigger puzzle.

Venturing Into College Life

As I begin my journey into my freshman year of college, I find myself faced with choices. Do I gorge myself on junk food or try and eat food that won't make me gain the dreaded "Freshman 15?' Do I stay in my dorm guarded from the outside world or do I venture out to new places and see what's out there for me in Milledgeville? Do I head to the gym? (I know, that's a weird thought coming from me). Do I put myself out there and try to shed the shy girl or do I hide behind my insecurities? All of these choices to make and each decision impacts another part of my day. I heard that college is about finding yourself. That it's about putting yourself out there to find your place in the world. That it's one of the greatest times in your life. I think it's about deciding on who you want to be. The part of you that you want the world to see. The part of you that you want to show off. The real, honest you.

My first day at GCSU scared the hell out of me. I was panicking, and when I panic I start to get aggressive. Now with the second day almost over, I find myself not panicking at all. I find myself opening up. I find myself growing as a person. Being away from all that I know, has already made me open up more. I'm no longer the timid girl I was before I got here. When I started high school, it took me years to open up and find myself. Now that I've started college, I opened up on the second day. It didn't take years this time. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still very wary of new things, but at least I'm opening up a bit more and not being afraid to stand out. 

Being unique is something I cherish. Although sometimes I can be afraid to stand out because of my massive insecurity issues, I still love to be a unique weirdo. I like to have different interests and to find friends who aren't necessarily the "cool kids." I like to show off to the world that the misunderstood, the timid, and the different are people too. To show that we are just as "cool" as the rest of the world. 

While I spend my college life here at GCSU, I hope to accomplish great things as well as put myself out there. I hope to become unafraid to be unique. I hope to find myself in the world that is life away from home. I hope to become me.